


Hold me

by Shivanessa



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Brainwashing, De-conditioning, Hydra (Marvel), Light Torture, M/M, Steve Rogers as the Winter Soldier
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:41:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23299501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shivanessa/pseuds/Shivanessa
Summary: Steve Rogers got caught and compromised by HYDRA. After his rescue nobody is able to brake through his conditioning as Winter Soldier. With SHIELD in shambles and the looming threat from outer space, Stark and Romanoff turn to the only person for help, who had ever managed to break out of HYDRA's brainwash. But will Bucky be able to reach the man who had once been his friend?
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 20
Kudos: 81
Collections: Fandom Trumps Hate 2020





	1. Handle me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ZepysGirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZepysGirl/gifts).



> The amazing ZepysGirl donated to Fandom Trumps Hate and asked for a Stucky fic. We agreed on two aspects. First: Steve is conditioned as Winter Soldier and Bucky plays the role of his handler. So this is chapter one, chapter two (with the other aspect) will hopefully be finished tomorrow. I hope you like it, ZepysGirl, I had a blast writing it! :)

„We need your help.“

The deep-felt aversion against his conversation partner was clearly written over Stark's face, engraved in the lines around his mouth, in the small of his eyes, even if he tried to keep it to himself. “He is…  _ unresponsive _ . Orders, pleas… it's all the same to him."

Bucky didn't nod or otherwise show that he understood. It wasn't necessary. Stark obviously was relieving stress via talking. Even if him and Steve hadn't parted on good terms he seemed to be highly affected by the fate his former ally suffered.  _ 'No wonder' _ Bucky thought to himself. He knew what HYDRA was capable of.

Stark wasn't exactly on good terms with him either. That he had agreed to talk to Bucky at all, showed how dire the situation truly was. With SHIELD compromised, Fury dead and the famous captain America missing in action for years he hadn't much options left to turn to. 

But now Steve was back. More or less. 

They had tackled and severely injured him during an Avengers raid on one of the last HYDRA bases. 

Or so Bucky had learned from Black Widow two hours ago. He had not been part of the team back then. Stark wasn't the only one who didn't trust him - no wonder - and had intervened when it came up to make Bucky an Avenger. At least he had prevented that Bucky got sued for the crimes he had committed while he was under the rule of HYDRA. Which brought his attention back to… 

"... not even the voice of Peggy Carter. So you are the last straw. Really. Not what I envisioned, but here we are." Stark rubbed his eyes. His tie was loosened and his sleeves half rolled up. He looked tired. 

Bucky's eyes rested on the screen. It showed a cell, nothing more than a padded plank bed on the wall, a toilet and a shower. Every part of it was designed to prevent self harm or the use as a weapon. And in one corner, crouched down in a stance that was as much defensive as ready to fight was… Steve. 

No. 

The  _ Winter Soldier _ . 

Bucky watched Steve, his feral gaze, the cut-off way his eyes darted from left to right, searching for a threat, a way out. He knew he was watched even if he could not see the cameras. Bucky knew, because he knew how Steve had spent the last three years. Under constant surveillance. At least two handlers close by whenever he was awake. To show him directions. To provide weapons, transportation, a target. And in the end… To bring him back in. Wipe his memory. Back to the freezer. 

A hand snapping in front of his face pulled him back into the present. With effort Bucky suppressed the urge to break it. 

At least it prevented that he could let himself fall into that black hole under his feet. The black hole that was his past. 

_ Seventy years _ . 

"Are you even listening?!" Stark watched him, anguish all over his face. The billionaire turned to Romanoff. "Geez, I knew this was a bad idea…" 

"Tony-..." she began, but cut herself off when Bucky opened his mouth, his eyes still fixed on the screen. 

"The conditioning… it can't be broken." He paused. Searched for words. 

"It's designed to snap back."

"What do you mean  _ snap back _ ? Are you saying that-...?!" Stark began, outraged, but Bucky's cold gaze silenced him. 

"A Winter Soldier must not be compromised by arguments. He is taught to believe those who handle him. Without those he shuts down. Goes into defense." 

Obviously the programming had been improved since Bucky broke out of it. When he had used his name, Steve hadn't responded. Not like Bucky back then, three years ago. 

_ "Bucky?!" _

_ "Who the hell is Bucky?!" _

A light whirring sounded in the quiet room when Bucky closed his left fist. The memory was glaring bright. Back then, it had pierced through his fogged consciousness and met his core. Like lightning. Pulled him out of the conditioning. 

This particular flaw HYDRA had erased it seemed. 

Stark watched him, his dark eyes wide in his pale face. Then he turned to look at the screen. 

Romanoff approached carefully. She knew about drilled self defense and that it could lead to friendly fire easily. Her stance was deliberately harmless. 

"What do you mean with those who handle him?" 

Bucky didn't return her look. "Handlers. The agents who thaw you up. They know what to do."

Romanoff looked over to the screen too, frowning.

*

The door to the cell made almost no sound but whatever calm had spread in Steve's body was washed away immediately. His blue eyes scanned the opening while he kept the surrounding in sight for other threats. Openings for weapons, other doors, anything. 

Bucky knew the feeling. He stepped in, his stride as confident as possible. The combat suite felt like home, the heavy boots on his feet like a second skin. His posture was upright, threatening. 

If somebody knew how a HYDRA agent looked and behaved, it was Bucky. 

"On your feet, Soldier!" He barked. 

Steve stared at him from under his sweaty bangs. His jaw worked when he gritted his teeth. Ready to fight, like a wounded animal. 

Bucky's lips became a thin line. He took a alerted stance, the feet shoulder-wide apart, his hands by his sides. 

"I said. On. Your. Feet.  _ Soldier _ !"

Steve's eyes slid to Bucky's hand. The electric baton there snapped to life with a crackle. 

*

“This will be nasty." 

Bucky crossed his arms and the vibranium shone silvery in the helium lights. Stark still faced the screen, but Natasha regarded Bucky carefully. 

"What do you mean?" 

He frowned, searching for words. 

"Handlers… are not your friends. They see to it that you follow your orders. They support you in fight, but until then…"

Romanoff shook her head, her gaze direktes to the side but not seeing anything. Obviously, she was thinking about her own demons, looming on the borders of her past. "Some things never change, don't they…" 

Stark turned to them. He was pale. 

"We need to try it! We need Cap back on board! I-…" He interrupted himself, snapping his mouth shut. 

_ 'Guilt' _ Bucky thought to himself. 

He knew that feeling too well to not recognize it. After their fight, Stark had left him and Steve severely wounded and defenseless. After it came to light that the Winter Soldier was the murder of his parents Iron Man had almost killed Bucky and injured Steve badly. But instead of finishing them off he had left them alone and wounded in that throw back facility in Wales. Where HYDRA found them. 

_ "He is dead. Leave him. We take the other." _

Bucky snapped back to the reality again, leaving the memory. The memory of Steve's devastated face while HYDRA dragged him away. Of the helicopter taking off. Bucky, laying in his own blood in the burning factory, would have died. He would have died if it weren't for Black Widow who had come for them. Who had come, because Stark had given her the hint where to look. 

But still. 

Bucky didn't judge him however. He was the last to judge anybody else. 

"I can try to get through to him." 

"I told you, we tried that already-..." 

"As a HYDRA agent." Bucky's voice was dark. Everybody in the room became silent. Only the whittling of his arm was to be heard. 

"Okay." Romanoff nodded. 

Bucky's eyes met Stark's. "Under one condition."

"No cameras."

*

Steve's eyes were drawn to the baton in Bucky's hand and doubt glistened in them. Bucky suppressed the overwhelming urge to let the baton fall. But this was not how it worked. He had to see it through. 

"Your orders. Soldier!" he spat and swang the weapon. As expected Steve blocked the attack with his arm, but did not fight back. It was part of the programming. If it was HYDRA they would force him to submit. The more aggression he was facing the more his programming urged him to be calm and obedient. Hesitation would spark resistance. 

Bucky did not hold back, even if each hit forced not only the most important person in his life to the ground but also smashed back those memories. His own memories. Of countless encounters like this on the receiving end. 

Electricity crashed through Steve and he grunted when Bucky forced himself to slam the baton between Steve's ribs.

"Orders! Soldier!" 

"Obey-..." Steve finally gasped. His hand came up, the sign for surrender. 

The smell of metal, electricity and burns. 

Bucky stepped back. 

"Mission report!" 

Steve hesitated, his eyes drawn to the ground. 

A kick send him stumbling backwards. Bucky aimed for the meaty part of the shoulder to not break something - despite Steve being a super soldier and all that. Still, he felt the pain as if he had received the kick himself. Bucky's face however, was stone. 

"Mission… failed." Steve grunted while he got back in position on his knees. "Target escaped. Got… captured…" His voice died down when his brain searched for the moment when HYDRA got him back. Which they didn't. A frown appeared on his brow. 

Bucky interrupted his train of thoughts before renewed resistance could spark. "Unnecessary!" he made a dismissing gesture. "You're back in base now. Await further orders."

Steve nodded. 

*

Bucky felt the door close behind him, leaving Steve back in the cell. The hallway was empty and quiet and Bucky leaned on the metal for a moment. A trembling hand swept sweat from his face. His heart thundered in his chest. With effort he calmed his breathing to prevent hyperventilation. 

At least Steve was calm now, resting, awaiting further orders. 

Just a couple of minutes of rest for himself had to be enough, before Bucky's steps lead him back to the surveillance room. There Stark received him with anger written all over his face. 

"What the fuck where you doing?!" He pointed to a screen that again showed the view into the cell. Steve rested on the plank bed, his left eye swollen, a wound on his forehead oozing blood onto the padding. His clothes showed that he had felt Bucky's fists and the baton all over his body. 

"This is mistreatment of prisoners of war! You can't-..." 

"Tony-... " Romanoff grabbed his arm. 

"He is calm now, isn't he?" Bucky cut both of them off. 

Stark watched him as if he had grown horns. Then he raised his hands in helpless anger and turned, but said nothing more. 

"How often does he… need this kind of attention?" Romanoff asked. She looked calm but the knuckles of her fingers were white over her crossed arms. 

Bucky stepped to the screen. His gaze slid over the pixelated face of Steve. His voice was quiet, almost as if he was talking to himself. 

"He knows now that I'm the one who can show him the way." Stark and Romanoff exchanged a look. Bucky ignored them. 

_ ''I'm with you 'til the end of the line, pal.' _


	2. Hug me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky comes up with a plan to break through Steve's brainwash.

It had taken a lot to convince Stark to switch off the cameras again, but Romanoff had supported Bucky's case.

"He knows what he's doing. To break a conditioning is not a walk in the park."

"But-... for heaven's sake, Natasha, what is there to hide?!"

Bucky interrupted.

"I need to be alone with him. I need to be convincing. I can't spare a thought on what you might see or not."

"Can we even trust you?!" 

"Seems to me that you have no choice."

*

Bucky stepped into the cell. 

Steve looked up. Then slid down into position, his eyes down. 

"Report, Soldier."

"Nothing to report, Sir. Ready for mission."

Carefully Bucky approaches looking for signs of an upcoming attack. This was the fourth time that he visited Steve in his cell. He had tried different approaches, talked about things Steve might recognize. But everytime Steve had shut down, becoming restless and aggressive. His programming shielded him from memories. Made him fight them. 

Bucky needed more time, more possibilities to interact. But with no mission, the interaction was brief. How should he get through to Steve under these conditions, without giving himself away?!

Steve did not look up when Bucky came closer. He trusted his handler. Followed his orders. For now. 

Bucky sat down on the plank bed behind Steve. 

Out of a whim he placed one foot on each side of him so that the kneeling man was between his knees, his back to Bucky. 

He could feel how much Steve wanted to turn his head and look at him to gauge his intentions. Unusual behavior of a handler was always a reason to be cautious. Bucky frowned. Then, out of a whim he started talking. 

"We're stuck here soldier. Entrance's blocked Will take some time 'til they come and get us."

"Stuck, sir?"

"Yes. окаянный!" He hit the mattress. "There's nobody left than us. Communications down too."

Steve stayed alert, but not in a way that Bucky feared an attack. Just cautious in this dire situation. Like a well trained dog, waiting for his handler to decide what to do. 

They sat for a while in silence.

Bucky's mind however, raced. Maybe… words weren't the key, but actions. But what kind of actions? Obviously Steve reacted to violence. But Bucky could not beat sense into him. It didn't work that way. Violence was some sort of body contact… 

Slowly an idea rose in him.

As long as a handler was present the soldier did what he was told. As far as Bucky remembered the orders must not make sense to the soldier. After a few rounds in the memory wiper nothing made much sense anyway. 

He held his breath for a moment. 

"We're all alone." He licked his suddenly dry lips, his heart beating faster with his idea growing. If this wasn't going to work he had no idea what would do. 

"You can rest. I'll keep watch." He placed a hand on Steve's hair. Slowly he guided him to rest his temple against Bucky's thigh. Then Bucky started to pet the hair tentatively. 

It took a few moments but then Steve started to relax. 

They must be a curious sight. Two super soldiers in combat wear, sharing a cell, one resting his head on the others leg, getting his hair petted. And still, it was the most peaceful thing Bucky had experienced for 70 years. 

*

"I want you to lock me in there. And then lower the temperature."

"Now he's gone nuts!"

"Just do it!" 

*

Body contact! That's what he needed! 

He could not break through to Steve with words alone. The conditioning twisted them into weapons. But touch was the key. HYDRA itself worked with it, even if touch for them meant pain. Bucky had to overcome that. 

Finally he came up with a story he could tell Steve. Stranded in an air-raid-shelter, waiting for HYDRA to come and get them. With the life-support systems slowly shutting down they had to make it work. Bucky dragged some rations into the cell and a rough-woolen blanket. 

Then the temperature in the cell started to slowly drop. Stark had dimmed the lights too, so that only the emergency lights gave a low shine. All to make it more believable that the facility was low on energy. 

*

Steve shivered. He tried to maintain his state of constant alert, but the conditions affected him too. Bucky watched him. He laid on his side on the small plank bed while Steve still knelt on the floor. His breath clouded in the cold air. 

"Soldier."

Steve turned his head.

"Come up here." Bucky lifted the blanket. Uncomprehending the soldier stared at him. 

"Get in here, soldier. It's an order. You're gonna die out there. And me too."

Reluctantly Steve got up and slipped onto the bed. It was obvious that he had no idea where to put his hands so Bucky spooned him from behind. One arm under Steve's head, the other draped over his waist Bucky was as close to him as he had been centuries ago. Slowly warmth spread between them. Steve's shivering lessened. 

Bucky held back from pressing his lips onto the others neck, even if this posture reminded him of many cold nights in austrian and german woods. Back then, when all had been different. 

The bed was so small that they had to press onto each other from neck to ankle, Bucky's upper arm coming around Steve's waist. 

Slowly the breathing eased into a calm state again. He felt that Steve felt secure with him. Something spread between them that was way more intimate as it was usual with a handler. And he did not shy away from it! 

*

"Sir…?"

Bucky blinked awake. He had dozed off in the cold air. 

"Yes soldier?" 

"How long do we wait for orders?" 

Silence spread for a few moments while Bucky tried to gauge what Steve was referring to. 

"Why do you ask?" 

Steve hesitated. Such independent thoughts weren't easy for a Winter Soldier. 

"We can… stay here? Sir? "

Bucky pressed himself a bit closer. Steve's broad back fit perfectly in front of his chest and he felt the muscles of his enhanced body with each breath the man took. His forehead pressed against Steve's neck when he sighed soundlessly. 

"Maybe… Would you like that?" 

Steve didn't answer. 

They laid in silence for a while. Bucky felt Steve's hand on his, the fingers touching tentatively. It was not really a caress, more resting the fingers against his skin. But it was something. 

"I think…" 

"Yes?" 

"I think I know you." Steve's voice was nothing more than a whisper in the cold room.

Slowly he turned with Bucky's help. In the dim light his eyes seemed black. Bucky and him gazed at each other, only inches apart. Breath mingled. 

"I  _ know _ you…" 

When Steve pressed his face into Bucky's neck, his arms coming around to hold tight, Bucky knew. All would be okay. 

Somehow. 


End file.
